I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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