i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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