She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
