k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
