mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
