here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
