Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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