So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
is this the sara with the beer cane?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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