My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
