She bit a glass in half.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
