My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
