and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
