maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
