Plan B is the new Plan A
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
