I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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