Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
