i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
handjob tips. give me some.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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