Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
