Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize