I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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