life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
