Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
