ya dads aren't the best wingmen
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
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