Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
