she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
