New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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