hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
