So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
cat food counts as protein by the way
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
