Your tits are I can't wait for
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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