look no pants
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
