I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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