I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
