Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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