Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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