Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The adults are the big ones right?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
