Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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