I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
