I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
