I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
