You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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