An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
