Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
