At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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