sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
