I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
