Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
