One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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