The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize