awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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