So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize