Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
