the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
