I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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