Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
