the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
