I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
