alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
