he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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