I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
