I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
