I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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