Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm too high and old for this...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
