I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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