I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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