She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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