I looked at my own cervix.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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