I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
