You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
