direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
