my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
