I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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