Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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