your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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