no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
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why im i the only drunk person in the library?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
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she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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